Pesach Rants: The Seder

If the seder is supposed to be to educate the kids, why does it start so late? What is the purpose if the kids are already dozing off right after mah nishtanah? There is an interesting discussion here about starting the seder early, but even assuming the established practice to wait until nighfall, who in the hell invited the chazan to daven maariv and shlep out the hallel? Isn't it late enough already? (And someone please remind me why we need to recite hallel twice at night?)

And if the seder is supposed to be to educate the kids, why do we sit around rambling in a language the kids (to say nothing of the adults at many tables) don't understand?

I have no authority over the shul's schedule and shaliach tzibbur roster, but I can control what goes on at my own table. So this year we did some parts in English.

And it went something like this:

Abba: At first our forefathers were idolaters . . .

David: Why does it say four fathers?

Abba: Forefathers means ancestors.

David: But why four fathers?

Abba: I just told you. Forefathers means ancestors. Now let me continue.

David: But there were only three fathers?

Abba: Huh? I said forefathers.

David: But there were only three fathers.

Abba: What are you talking about?

Finally Kineret had to point out to me that he was confused because he thought I was talking about the avos.

(And now I realize that he was probably further confused because I keep asking him who the 4 imos were--he keeps on including Dina--and here I was talking about "four fathers.")