David gets a lot of homework and sometimes it becomes a chore--for him and for us. I'm much stricter than Kinneret and I generally insist that he complete it. Aside from the educational utility of homework--yes, I know this is a matter of debate--I feel that the more times we let it slide then he will become even less likely to do his homework and will in general develop poor homework habits (as well as become increasingly emboldened in his defiance of our authority).
On the other hand, there has to be a limit to how far we push. I don't believe in doing homework just for the sake of doing homework and there has to be some type of pedagogical gain. If at some point it becomes obvious that he is too tired and there's no way for him to absorb anything, then what is the point of pressing on? Why torture him and ourselves?
So where is that line between fostering good homework habits and educational progress on the one hand, and torture on the other hand?
5 comments:
Caveat, I don't know you, and I don't know your son. I'm responding to some rants on a blog, so my assumptions may be completely off, but I hope that this might be of some limited help.
It sounds like you and your son are constantly butting heads. I had that relationship with my father. Perhaps your problem isn't what you are doing as parent (the parenting as skills), but rather that status of your relationship with your son (the parenting as attachment angle).
The drill sergeant approach is useful with older children because it shows them what they can accomplish with hard work, which instills pride in that effort.
It sounds like you aren't getting that, and you are just getting stricter to prove a point, a point that I have no clue what it is.
You are right about the importance of good homework habits, but some of that is about internalizing the importance of doing your homework. You're not getting that, you're just getting the homework done by an exhausted child that isn't learning much OR learning to do it themselves.
Step back, what are you trying to accomplish? You want him to learn the importance of homework? Then let that be reinforced. When he doesn't do it, he gets the F at school, plus a punishment at home for not turning in homework. When he does it and does well, he gets a reward. That will help to internalize "doing homework gets rewarded." You're not getting that, you're just getting you sitting over his shoulder.
I'm also going to suggest that academically, you might be teaching the wrong lesson. Generally, homework serves to reinforce the lesson or learn ahead. Where homework is graded, the single most important thing is getting it done. If your child is up too late struggling through it, he's probably spending too much time on it.
It's better (once letter grades become number grades) to turn in every assignment and land 70% on them than to turn in 2 assignments perfectly and then forget one assignment, zeros can kill you. I learned the perfectionist homework approach in my home that you appear to be using, and it was a disaster by middle school.
In my opinion homework is one of the unfair things in existance.
Everyday at school, spending more hours there than any grown person does at an average job, is enough time spending studying and learning.
Therefore I believe in helping a hand with homework to get it over with ASAP and let the schoolgoers enjoy the little free time they have before bedtime kicks in.
PRAGMATICIAN:
"let the schoolgoers enjoy the little free time they have before bedtime kicks in"
yes. as i mentioned in the post, homework has its detractors. i think there is a good argument to be made for not giving homework (or too much of it). but i if have to give "a hand with homework to get it over with ASAP," then why not just the kid the skip it altogether? if he's not getting the most out of it, what's the point?
AL:
"you're just getting the homework done by an exhausted child that isn't learning much OR learning to do it themselves."
agreed 100%. we don't make him to do past a point. (actually the impetus for this post was my reaction to calling an aquaintance 9:30 at night and he couldn't talk because he was fighting with his first grader to study for a quiz.)
"plus a punishment at home for not turning in homework . . ."
yes, but then we would have to be consistent and disciplined ourselves with the rewards/punishments/reinforcement (whatever one calls it). that's definatately where we screw up :)
"yes, but then we would have to be consistent and disciplined ourselves with the rewards/punishments/reinforcement (whatever one calls it). that's definatately where we screw up :)"
Well, then your problem isn't home work, it's having the self discipline to parent. :)
If you work at instilling self discipline for homework instead of "Getting it done," your son may not get the best grades, but maybe he will have the self discipline with be consistent with his children! :)
(this was all meant in fun and jovially, form another tired, stressed, working dad, not meant at ALL as an insult)
ALEX:
"If you work at instilling self discipline for homework instead of "Getting it done," your son may not get the best grades, but maybe he will have the self discipline"
agreed
"consistent with his children!"
his children? now you're really putting pressure on me!
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